156.4 on the mat post-train.
The FightWorks Podcast asked members of what it calls the "Mighty 600,000" whether they thought their jiu jitsu had improved over the past year. Without thinking too much about it, I clicked "yes."
My thinking was that at the beginning of the year, I wasn't convinced I deserved to have gotten my purple belt. Now, with a few weeks left in the year, I've gotten over that. But that might be the limit of it.
Honestly, it's been a very frustrating year - my most frustrating ever, easily. No point in catalouging the abuses here (again). But it is an indisputable fact at this point. And with the final tournament of the year less than two weeks away, the training I'm putting in on the mat - however voluminous from a historic perspective - increasingly feels worth less than the proverbial hillock of beans.
Tonight's training was more of the same in that regard. I feel like one of those long distance runners getting lapped on the stadium track. By the time it happens, there really isn't anything to do but feel sorry for yourself and keep running. Of course, one of the great things about running track, for example, is the PR, the personal record, that can make even a non-competitive performance in the field a valuable - and even goal-breaking - experience.
Jiu jitsu affords no such objectivity for measuring personal achievement - save for the tournament and, at this point, the less said about competing in tournaments the better for obvious reasons. Unless you are a superstar, a prodigy or even above average, you end up toiling away for years, if you are lucky, a little better today, a little worse tomorrow and hopefully stair-stepping your way to a level of accomplishment that makes you feel as if the effort was at least partially worthwhile. If you are lucky.
I remember probably two years ago there was this stretch of about six weeks when once a week, I'd end up training with just Chris Serna and Stephan. It was insane - like wrestling bears in a well. That was one type of paralysis, a more obvious kind, and different from what I'm feeling in my jiu jitsu right now. But the magnitude is comparable.
