ATM ("Always Train Mondays") is based on the theory that the first day of training for the week is about getting the weekend rust out. In that way, today's training more or less accomplished the mission.
There are days when I feel like I'm the worst purple belt in Washington (and even if I'm wrong, I've got the stats that support the argument). Monday's training didn't do very much to dispel that notion. In part, I'm sure it was because we were working on armbars from the guard - a technique I avoid like the plague - and my technique is both rusty and raw. In part, it probably has to do with the official "3 Weeks Out" before the December 13th tournament and the nagging anxiety that my preparation for the upcoming event will do me no better than my preparation for the last one. And in part, I'm sure it's because I could use a break, not from training jiu jitsu, but from everything else. Truth told, I'm not sure I'd know what to do with a full seven-day vacation if one gogoplata'd me from the guard (yes, that was a feature of tonight's training, as well, and during what is rumored to be my best guard pass, at that.)
I'm finding it harder than I'd like to ward off some of negativity of earlier in the month. It comes on less like a sense of frustration or futility (though there are elements of that, too) and more as just a sense of weight, or gravity, the kind of feeling you get sometimes when walking down the hallways of a hospital, the feeling that, for all the healing, this is a place of suffering, as well. And what is annoying is that for all the talk of jiu jitsu being an "individual sport that you do with partners" it isn't easy to imagine what could happen that would be so positive that it would sustainably counterbalance what has felt like my least productive year in jiu jitsu out of the four I have to choose from.
I'll tell you this: I have an appreciation for steroid users that I've never had before. Not that I would ever take steroids (I have enough bad habits without adding syringe-play to my list), but I understand the desperation of wanting to be better so badly that you'd take some significantly sized risks to make it happen. For better or worse, there is no jiu jitsu potion that would give me Sauleh's guard game or Casey's armlocks or Cindy's top aggression or Rodrigo's chokes. And maybe I'd have the self-dignity to avoid the temptations of such a concoction even if one did exist.
Everybody you ask, who knows better, says the same thing: talent is important, but training and dedication are what really make the difference. Coming from world-class talent like Rafael Mendes, that is certainly nice to hear. And I've taken this sentiments - expressed by every one from Rafa to Saulo to Rodrigo - very much to heart in 2009 by training more and more frequently as the year has played out. But as the year rolls toward a close, I can't help but wonder: what do you do if the difference you make still is not difference enough?
156.2 on the scale after training (169.0 in the gi beforehand). A perfectly respectable number to start the week. I did stay pretty late to work over some technique with Steve (always worth doing) and to ask Rodrigo a question about the S-mount transition to take the back (specifically, the issue of switching your hips and laying the back leg flat instead of remaining relatively high up in a traditional S-mount). We're going to be working more armbars this week - from the guard, from the mount - which is practice I could use. Right now, I'm slated to be back on the mat tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday for a little day session from 10 am to 12 noon. Four days in a row. Slumpbuster, where is thy sting?
